Married

Why are we even still doing this?

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Mosey

The difference is ever so subtle.

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Wash Up

There is more on this subject, if you care that much about flygene. Get it? Flygene?

...nevermind.

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Food Truck

Meanwhile, Josie ponders Roger as food.

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Artsy Fartsy Shitsy

Bob Ross whips out a masterpiece in under a half hour. It takes me a little longer.

Editor's Note: "Masterpiece" is used very loosely here.

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Date Night

Kenny knows respect--but he knows shame too.

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Period

Alternate responses:

• I've eaten worse.
• Well can I sniff it a bit?
• It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
• I'm Batman. 
• "HEEEEEY, DON'T LET IT GO TO WASTE! I LOVE IT BUT I HATE THE TASTE!"

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Persistence

The persistence with which a fly will bang its ugly head against a closed window leaves little doubt as to why biology dictates it must have a jillion maggots per litter.

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Keto

I heard someone say, "Man, this keto diet sucks. I can't eat shit."

Who knew? Sneaky carbs. Hiding everywhere. 

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Horsefly

Dr. Jenkins received his grant money with specific instruction: Make a horsefly. I think what they meant was "make the horse that flies".

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Beach Fly

Beach fly is a variant of the bar fly, and like this cartoon, it is cheap, quick, and easy. I'm on vacation this week.

Cheers, motherfuckers!

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Porning

I think in one of the instances where I walked in on this situation, the panicked response was, "AAAHHH! PORNING!!" I stepped out before I saw anything and stood there, stunned by a profound realization: porning is a verb. 

What does it mean "to porn"?

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Marie Antoinette

"Let them eat shit!"

I had a college professor, quite convincingly, suggest that when Marie Antoinette stated the fateful sentence that got her cpu removed, that she was just being oblivious and juvenile.

“Let them eat cake!"

His rationale was convincing. She was a girl raised in a well-insulated, splendidly wealthy environment. When her family ran out of bread she declared that they should just eat cake instead, cause that’s what she does when she can’t find bread. She eats cake. He may have been on to something. Paris Hilton wasn’t a thing of controversy during my college years, but now that I think about it, I’m drawing a connection. I think Marie may have been just as dense as Paris; same situation, same ridiculously wealthy people. I’ve always wanted to feed Paris Hilton a pepper, so when she says, “That’s hot,” she’ll mean it in it’s actual context. I could also throw a cup of coffee at her. “That’s hot”. Or fly her to the sun. “That’s hot”.

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War Machine

A fly swatter extends your reach and amplifies your speed, literally everything you want in a war machine.

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On Attraction

Also, Shirley, you are a housefly. 

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First Home

"You didn't tell me it had a skylight" 

 

 

"

Remember the first home you ever bought? Or rented? How proud you were to be off on your own? You, her, and you brand new maggot?

Yeah. Good times.

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A Norman Roadkill Thanksgiving

What's in that covered dish?

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Ray-Ray's Treats

I assume teen flies gather someplace to socialize--and indulge.

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Something You Ate?

Houseflies eat shit and roadkill for sustenance. I'm certain it was something he ate.

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