Wonderful Horrible Smells

I think the one on the right is Cajun, and the one on the left is from the Tennessee.

But maybe they’re just flies and ‘horrible’ isn’t the same word in their language. Like “Oooh, that feels horrible, do it again.” or “Oooh this shit tastes horrible, is there any left?”

cp

Ho -- Her Name Is Ho

You remember those pulp fiction porno periodicals from the old days? Those cheap, well-worn mags full of sexy stories that were all created by guys who didn’t actually have sex? There were tons of titles out there (I said titles). Great stories poorly written. Girls saying dumb shit guys want to hear, dumb shit girls never say. Girls getting paddled for being bad (I was actually paddled often for being bad; I don’t see the appeal). You ‘member? You ‘member.

I certainly remember. Those were the golden years of my pubic metamorphism. I broke out of my childish cocoon little head first reading those stories (never you mind where I found them). Sure pictures are fine too, but reading has always held that clear picture with me in it, where I get to play Cockmaster 3000 and drive the fast car and rescue the non-English speaking girl fresh off the boat then have her feign embarrassment because she is—get this—too wet. Pfft.

I found this website that has a hoarder-grade collection of these old pulp fiction covers. They’re absolutely fantastic. You’ll piss away a whole day trying to get through them. They’re not all smut titles (I said titles) but most of them have a bit of the old wink wink nudge nudge in them. They were the inspiration for this weeks panel. I should go ahead and write that book…

cp

Glorp Gum

Admittedly, the artwork on this site is a kind of pathetic. I did tell you I was classically untrained. I don't care too much though; I don't have a complex about it; it's just cartoons; nobody pays me to do this (nobody actually even sees it). But the cartoons are the gist of this blog; my hobby. So I surf other cartooners (legit word) and sometimes I stumble across a source with art so good it pisses me off. In particular, it pisses me off that mine is so bad by comparison (It's fine if you think it's bad without the comparison--you dick).

Enter Glorp Gum Company, my latest source of pained reverence. Visit the store to see the artwork. Visit the whole site, there are fabulous illustrations everywhere. Buy some stuff. Buy me some stuff.

Brad McGinty, master illustrator of all things Glorp has this very stylized way of drawing that just makes me ache with envy. He hijacked (purchased) the "Glorp" brand and the style from the 70's, a decade I'm still certain will never be cool again (stoopid polyester bell-bottom pants), but you don't need to be a pioneer of a style to be a master of it. I love love love this guy's work. It's reminiscent of old underground comix like The Checkered Demon, which is clearly a product of psychedelic hallucinogenic pharmaceutical nuggets shaken in one hand and then eaten like bar nuts.

All that being said, and given my unbreakable attachment to the Sucky Seventies and given my admiration for this kooky style of art, I submit to you this poor, poor attempt...

 ...at softcore portoonography (also a legit word).

cp