Flies and Soup

So, what now?

cp

BRB

I have another project to attend to. No, it's not the wall unit from last week (Wifey has a sad), but the job I took on will pay for that wall unit and then some (Daddy has a happy). Also I have a deadline and a lot of work to do. So I'm sending Farty McFly on sabbatical. Don't worry, he'll be back.

In the meantime I'll post snippets of the woodwork here.

Cheers,
cp

East Wall Cabinet

Cartoons are only part of it. I said so in the beginning. This is the "doer of stuff" category.

Some years ago (2015), I built a cabinet on the north wall of my living room. I was to start immediately on the cabinet to fit on the adjacent wall. Three years feels immediate enough.

Modern building tools have allowed me to model this project and make my mistakes without cost. The first step is to build it to spec in sketchup, which is what you're looking at above. It's actually built to scale! So now I disassemble the cabinet and lay it on ePlywood to determine what building supplies I need to buy.

Stay tuned!

Food Truck

Meanwhile, Josie ponders Roger as food.

cp

Artsy Fartsy Shitsy

Bob Ross whips out a masterpiece in under a half hour. It takes me a little longer.

Editor's Note: "Masterpiece" is used very loosely here.

cp

Baby Daddy

Somebody better call Maury Povich.

cp

Date Night

Kenny knows respect--but he knows shame too.

cp

Fliamese Twins

I bet the pokey part is on his side too.

cp

Strike

Based on actual events.
That actually happened.
In my house.
This week.

cp

Period

Alternate responses:

• I've eaten worse.
• Well can I sniff it a bit?
• It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
• I'm Batman. 
• "HEEEEEY, DON'T LET IT GO TO WASTE! I LOVE IT BUT I HATE THE TASTE!"

cp

Persistence

The persistence with which a fly will bang its ugly head against a closed window leaves little doubt as to why biology dictates it must have a jillion maggots per litter.

cp

Keto

I heard someone say, "Man, this keto diet sucks. I can't eat shit."

Who knew? Sneaky carbs. Hiding everywhere. 

cp

Risk

Sometimes you have to measure the risk. If the reward is substantial, you just have to go for it.

cp

Happy Little Spartans

The meme is not mine.
I'm disappointed I didn't think of it first.

cp

Dragonfly

Uh...that's racist, Daddy.

cp

Horsefly

Dr. Jenkins received his grant money with specific instruction: Make a horsefly. I think what they meant was "make the horse that flies".

cp

Splat!

My least favorite way to kill bugs.

cp

Beach Fly

Beach fly is a variant of the bar fly, and like this cartoon, it is cheap, quick, and easy. I'm on vacation this week.

Cheers, motherfuckers!

cp

Snack Check

TSA is conducting snack checks now. Snack checks. Like hockey checks, but they rattle a snack loose and eat it.

"Let me see your snacks, sir! I LIKE THAT KIND...it can't fly!" *CHOMP!*

I recognize that these front-line pervs are doing someone else's bidding, but the whole lot of them are contemptible shits, so no breaks. And as foul as they are between you and the airplanes, you should see them at the end of a shift. The same people who just spent eight hours keeping you in line while sniffing your shorts and feeling up your kids, drive like they're on the final lap at Talladega in a fucking rental car. No kindness. No courtesy. Just aggressive, boorish assholes jockeying for an inch that might be yours. Despicable shits!

You know, there's another division of TSA that just goes around levying fines against airport tenants and airline employees. It's true. Every time there is a lapse in security or a breech in the system somewhere on the airfield (irregardless of whose lapse it was, but usually their own), the TSA starts pestering the shit out of tenants and employees at the airport. Seriously despicable, contemptible shits.

...anyway, they're taking snacks from passengers now.

Don't worry, shit-eater. You're back on next week.

cp

Specs

Well, well. Here comes ole 4002 eyes...

Margot cautiously enters the halls of ridicule wearing her new specs.

cp

Identity Crisis

I wonder which bathroom the June bugs are going to make Lester use.

cp

Porning

I think in one of the instances where I walked in on this situation, the panicked response was, "AAAHHH! PORNING!!" I stepped out before I saw anything and stood there, stunned by a profound realization: porning is a verb. 

What does it mean "to porn"?

cp

Fly

The idea of a fly flying, at least in this fashion, is fucking ridiculous.

I used the acrylic brushes I downloaded a couple of weeks ago.  I don't know that they serve cartoons very well.

cp

Acrylic Brush Set

I use Autodesk Sketchbook for this trivial, audience-free shit. One of the benefits of being a subscriber to Sketchbook is the availability of free brush sets. Last week I downloaded the acrylic brush set. Acrylics are my weapon of choice when I'm not wielding my stylus. These e-brushes, remarkably, mimic the strokes of (cheap) brushes loaded with acrylic paint--but not entirely or exactly. The touch, shape, and finess of an actual brush is still far superior. But this ain't bad. But it ain't good, either.

cp

Marie Antoinette

"Let them eat shit!"

I had a college professor, quite convincingly, suggest that when Marie Antoinette stated the fateful sentence that got her cpu removed, that she was just being oblivious and juvenile.

“Let them eat cake!"

His rationale was convincing. She was a girl raised in a well-insulated, splendidly wealthy environment. When her family ran out of bread she declared that they should just eat cake instead, cause that’s what she does when she can’t find bread. She eats cake. He may have been on to something. Paris Hilton wasn’t a thing of controversy during my college years, but now that I think about it, I’m drawing a connection. I think Marie may have been just as dense as Paris; same situation, same ridiculously wealthy people. I’ve always wanted to feed Paris Hilton a pepper, so when she says, “That’s hot,” she’ll mean it in it’s actual context. I could also throw a cup of coffee at her. “That’s hot”. Or fly her to the sun. “That’s hot”.

cp

War Machine

A fly swatter extends your reach and amplifies your speed, literally everything you want in a war machine.

cp

On Attraction

Also, Shirley, you are a housefly. 

cp

First Home

"You didn't tell me it had a skylight" 

 

 

"

Remember the first home you ever bought? Or rented? How proud you were to be off on your own? You, her, and you brand new maggot?

Yeah. Good times.

cp

A Norman Roadkill Thanksgiving

What's in that covered dish?

cp

Ray-Ray's Treats

I assume teen flies gather someplace to socialize--and indulge.

cp

Something You Ate?

Houseflies eat shit and roadkill for sustenance. I'm certain it was something he ate.

cp

Fly Fart

Exactly how foul is a fly fart? 

cp

Surface Pro

For Christmas, I received a new medium to read, write, and draw: a Microsoft Surface Pro. The reading and writing should be easy enough to adapt to (practically identical), but the drawing might have a larger learning curve. If I had an audience I might beg them to bear with me while I learn. But since I don't--away we go!