Table Top

 

This table top was not OEM. The top that came with this set was flat black and had ship-lap lines, so the top wasn't exactly smooth. If you were brazen enough to try to use this as a writing surface, when your pen tip got to a lap joint, it would fall right through the paper, eliciting a "fuck" with the volume to match the value of the paper you were writing on.

I replaced it soon after we got it. Here is the top I put on there eight years ago:

 

In the time since that oak top was installed, we removed the center leaf and placed it someplace that would ensure it was good and bowed when we wanted to use it again. We recently wanted to use it again. It took clamps, hammers and a lot of tongue and lip biting to position the expansion leaf to mate with the outer segments. We got it back in, but still, it didn't quite sit right. The edges were not completely and perfectly aligned; one piece was slightly proud of the other creating edges that suddenly stopped anything slid across the table. A tall, top-heavy glass of anything doesn't come to a sudden stop without consequences. And food was always getting into the minute gaps between the leaves (leafs?). We are indeed fucking pigs at my house; sliding glasses of sugary drink to and fro; more food on the table than on the plate.

Once again we didn't like our table top. So, two weeks ago, I broke the table down. I made relief cuts in the bottom of the center leaf to get it to lay flat(ish). I then cut new edges on all three leaves and jointed the them. Then I glued all of it together with biscuits. I installed continuous breadboards across all three sections. I sanded it smooth, and viola! One big fucking table.

Now I have a table top that is too wide from any vantage point for me to pick up by myself. It's five feet in one direction and five(ish) feet in the other direction. Also the glue joints, despite being clean and sharp and flush with yellow glue, gave me a small bit of worry. To make sure that the one (or two) bitch glue joint(s) I didn't like wouldn't separate I installed a bow tie Dutchman.

Two coats of red oak stain, three coats of satin poly, finishing wax, and now the table looks like this.

 

It's darker and smoother and harder to handle because of it's ridiculous size. It's also prettier and more functional.

 

cp

1000 Miles To Liberty Hill

 

I bought this cyclometer last August (or July?). I just crossed the 1000 mile mark this morning. That's an average of 77 miles a month! 18 miles a week!! But that simple math doesn't tell the real story. I'm hot and cold on my bike; I rode it 60 miles this week, which is 60 more than I rode in the whole month of February. Inconsistency is my consistency.

On a completely unrelated note, I watched the erection of this fire station this fire station being erected built. The colors, the architecture, the materials -- its all very appealing. It's the most glorious barn I've ever seen. I'd live here, Cornbread wouldn't, but I sure would.

cp

Social Distance

 

I traveled last weekend. It's been nearly a year since I've set foot in an airport terminal, despite the fact I work at the airport. I haven't forgotten what what outrageous arseholes the TSA can be, but I hadn't experienced it in so long I was mildly shocked when they reminded me.

Sir Fatness, in that crew of agents standing in a pile back there, barked at me about social distancing, because the guy behind me moved too near me to wait on his bag -- the same guy the TSA just prodded forward. Perhaps a longer conveyor belt, Highness? One benefit of the mandatory mask -- you can mouth a much needed "fuck off" at your offending Karen.

Some people should never have power of any kind.

cp

Not Not Salsa

I made pork carnitas with pickled onions and a habanero sauce. Cornbread said it's too hot. Cornbread wanted salsa instead. I guess the same salsa she eats with her chicken nuggets?

LiveLeak-er

 

 

To expand on the cave paintings...LiveLeak seems to be largely populated with Far Eastern road gore. I don't know if it's the driving rules, or the drivers, or the pedestrians, or what, but it's awful. And there's so much of it.

So I present this cartoon--because LiveLeak is like Twitch for Asians playing Frogger IRL.

The bats are for soup. 

Also, it's not racist if it's true. 

cp

Cave Painting

Don't worry, it doesn't make sense to me either. Cornbread thought the cartoon on the right was a snail.

cp

Trestle Table

A friend of mine asked me to build him a trestle table. It was to be a gift for his wife. When he gave me the desired measures of this project I was doubtful a trestle table was what he was looking for. Trestle tables are made to stretch long distances. They aren't typically found in small dining rooms. I thought it might look odd. I was wrong.

I may have to make another one.

cp

 

MD Sunrise

Some days are diamonds...or at least they start out that way. This is an MD11 and that engine is running.

I took this fancy picture using a fancy smartphone. I have that kind of access. Fancy that.

cp