A Good House...

 ...to die in. 

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Gai Jin

I was going to write something. I was going to draw something. But then I started reading this book--four months ago.

The book was pretty good. Starts in the middle of nothing and ends in the middle of nothing, but so much happens. It's like I was living out the last years of the 19th century in feudal Japan (but really, only four months). It's not Shogun, but it's not bad either. Clavell is a writer that has the talent to totally engross and transport his readers. Gai-Jin is book three of six in the Asian Saga.

Fuh

I started with a long cooked bone broth. I literally purchased bones with no meat on them (gnashing my teeth). I jimmied the marrow out of the bones and gave the bones to my dog; it's a big bone and she looks ridiculous. I seasoned my broth with red wine, garlic, onions, five spice, hoisin sauce, soy sauce, and sugar till I liked it. I don't know if this is the way, but I liked it.

In a giant, empty bowl, I added cooked rice noodles, bean sprouts, fresh basil, cilantro, jalapenos, and slices of sirloin cooked medium. Then I ladled that bone broth over the top...like three or four cups of it. Jesus H Phoking Crenshaw. I liked it.

Now, I know it's "pho" but phonics doesn't work on pho--so fuh. What's this? You disagree? Well phok yourself.

 

 

 

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Cajun Way Restaurant

Most people don't know this restaurant by its original name, Cajun Way Restaurant. I didn't know its real name till I was in my late teens. That's because I grew up here, and the locals know this place as The Boudin King--clearly--it's printed right on top of the building. Years ago I bought a cookbook from the Boudin King himself, Ellis Cormier. And there, printed right on the cover was Cajun Way Restaurant. I was like, "what?" and he was all, "yeah" and I was like, "I had no idea!" and he was all, "word". He signed it for me and I left town; I literally moved away. Nowadays, the only reason I have to stop in Jennings is to visit The Boudin King...and The Rocket.

 

 

Granted, this is an outright shit painting, there are some things I do like about it. The reference photo was taken in a blazing sun and the top of the building is sun-bleached and faded, so you can only really see "Boudin King" letters by the shadows they cast. And those porch lights actually appear to be on...which they always are in real life.

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Ranked

Artwork for this project where I (and others) will rank shit like sausages, bees, movies, Roman Caesars, leafy vegetables, and your mom.

 

Movies

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Confucius Say

Just thought you should know.

 

Cheers,

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Old Ben Kenobi

 

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” This is what starts the journey of young Skywalker. And how does Luke respond?

“I wonder if she means old Ben Kenobi?” 

I wonder too. I mean what are the odds that she’s looking for a Kenobi, and you know exactly one Kenobi? She could have narrowed it down “...he’s about five foot seven, gray hair, wears and old brown tunic, carries a light saber that sort of looks like a neon dick, can get you into any club in the galaxy with the wave of a hand, can spot moon-shaped space stations from 75,000 miles away, has suicidal tendencies...”

“I wonder if she means old Ben Kenobi?” Well I wonder if she means Old Ben Rice? or old Ben Dover? Or OldBen/GYN Kenobi?         

Luke Skywalker must be the dumbest character on the planet; the Kellie Pickler of Tatooine.. “I wonder if she means old Ben Kenobi?” Is Kenobi on Tatooine like Chins in China?

Fuck sake. Of course she means old Ben Kenobi, you womp rat!

 

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1977 Trek

It's old, but slightly modernized.
It's a classic!

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Punch His Beard Off

 

This cartoon was inspired by this video. I am impressed with this kid on so many levels, him in his tiny fucking sweater and tie.

“I’ll punch his beard off!”

Not only is the kid going to punch his beard off, a task that takes a wild imagination to even conceive, but he’s decided he’s going to use an upper cut to do it. He’s got a name for the strike he’s going to use to deface Santa. I feel like if England ever wanted to have a strong leader again, you could be looking at the next Prime Minister in this video, which would probably make a compelling campaign clip.

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Table Top

 

This table top was not OEM. The top that came with this set was flat black and had ship-lap lines, so the top wasn't exactly smooth. If you were brazen enough to try to use this as a writing surface, when your pen tip got to a lap joint, it would fall right through the paper, eliciting a "fuck" with the volume to match the value of the paper you were writing on.

I replaced it soon after we got it. Here is the top I put on there eight years ago:

 

In the time since that oak top was installed, we removed the center leaf and placed it someplace that would ensure it was good and bowed when we wanted to use it again. We recently wanted to use it again. It took clamps, hammers and a lot of tongue and lip biting to position the expansion leaf to mate with the outer segments. We got it back in, but still, it didn't quite sit right. The edges were not completely and perfectly aligned; one piece was slightly proud of the other creating edges that suddenly stopped anything slid across the table. A tall, top-heavy glass of anything doesn't come to a sudden stop without consequences. And food was always getting into the minute gaps between the leaves (leafs?). We are indeed fucking pigs at my house; sliding glasses of sugary drink to and fro; more food on the table than on the plate.

Once again we didn't like our table top. So, two weeks ago, I broke the table down. I made relief cuts in the bottom of the center leaf to get it to lay flat(ish). I then cut new edges on all three leaves and jointed the them. Then I glued all of it together with biscuits. I installed continuous breadboards across all three sections. I sanded it smooth, and viola! One big fucking table.

Now I have a table top that is too wide from any vantage point for me to pick up by myself. It's five feet in one direction and five(ish) feet in the other direction. Also the glue joints, despite being clean and sharp and flush with yellow glue, gave me a small bit of worry. To make sure that the one (or two) bitch glue joint(s) I didn't like wouldn't separate I installed a bow tie Dutchman.

Two coats of red oak stain, three coats of satin poly, finishing wax, and now the table looks like this.

 

It's darker and smoother and harder to handle because of it's ridiculous size. It's also prettier and more functional.

 

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