You remember those pulp fiction porno periodicals from the
old days? Those cheap, well-worn mags full of sexy stories that were all
created by guys who didn’t actually have sex? There were tons of titles out
there (I said titles). Great stories poorly written. Girls saying dumb shit
guys want to hear, dumb shit girls never say. Girls getting paddled for being
bad (I was actually paddled often for being bad; I don’t see the appeal). You
‘member? You ‘member.
I certainly remember. Those were the golden years of my pubic
metamorphism. I broke out of my childish cocoon little head first reading those
stories (never you mind where I found them). Sure pictures are fine too, but
reading has always held that clear picture with me in it, where I get to play
Cockmaster 3000 and drive the fast car and rescue the non-English speaking girl
fresh off the boat then have her feign embarrassment because she is—get
this—too wet. Pfft.
I found this website that has a hoarder-grade collection of
these old pulp fiction covers. They’re absolutely fantastic. You’ll piss away a
whole day trying to get through them. They’re not all smut titles (I said
titles) but most of them have a bit of the old wink wink nudge nudge in them.
They were the inspiration for this weeks panel. I should go ahead and write
that book…
cp
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