Buckle Down

Dirt Cup, my first born son, sent me a picture of a belt buckle. The buckle had what looked like a cross between an A4 and a T45 on it; like a jet in a coloring book. And it had "NAVY" printed on the fuselage. This buckle he presented was a custom piece, I could tell by the tool marks in the artwork. And it belonged to a pilot, an attack pilot, to be specific, it said so on the buckle; an announcement at the entrance of his pants. Pilots are like that, they can't wait to tell you they are pilots. I don't know why they don't just wear their fucking helmets full time, walking around like gang of cue balls wearing sunglasses. If Dirt Cup had been writing this post he would have led with that info: "I'm a pilot." That's probably all he would have written, and if I asked why, he would say, "what else needs to be said?" They're all insulting, arrogant drunks.

But I digress...

The belt buckle.
He wanted something of a similar design to the picture he sent me, a belt buckle custom to his profession. Well, Dirt Cup is a Marine and he doesn't fly a coloring book jet. And he didn't want any of that Navy shit on his buckle. But he definitely wants the part about being an attack pilot (*shotguns beer*throws can at girl*). So I came up with this:

The top ribbon on the buckle will have the term "DIRT CUP" embossed and centered. The bottom ribbon will have embossed "ATTACK PILOT". I'm assuming if Dirt Cup meets a midget and they didn't notice the fucking helmet on his fat head, they can look to his belt buckle and know this guy is about to shotgun a beer and throw the can .

 

cp

 

Bonus movie opening:

INT. BAR:

Shitty disco music plays over loud speakers. The bar is packed with a noisy, mingling crowd. Lots of Filipino women and dumpy sailors mill about. DIRT CUP leans against the bar with a long neck beer bottle dangling from his hand. A GIRL slips up to the bar to order a drink.

DIRT CUP
I'm DIRT CUP.

GIRL
DIRT CUP? Did your mother not like you?

DIRT CUP
(smug as fuck)
It's my call sign.

GIRL
(feigned admiration)
Ohhh. You're a pilot.

DIRT CUP
That's right. A naval aviator. And no, my mother doesn't like me. She loves me because she has to, but I'm the same tool in front of her that I am in front of you.
(fist bumps with the douche bag next to him)

GIRL
I see her dilemma.
(beat)
Do you always wear the helmet and sunglasses? It's dark in here.

DIRT CUP
Yes, it is dark. That's why I'm talking to you.
You're welcome.   

 

Bonus novel opening:

 

If Herman Melville wrote a book called What A Dick, the first line would be, "Call me pilot".

 

 

cp